So my christmas pretty much sucked

I am sick. On Christmas day. How LAME is that? I mean, I know how I said in my last post that I wasn't looking forward to much, but still. I've spent ALL FUCKING DAY lying in bed. 

The worst part is, I know I did this to myself, and had no reason to. I'm a huge insomniac, but lately I haven't made any kind of effort to sleep before 4 in the morning, and I haven't been eating well either. I was sitting here wondering "Why the hell would I do this to myself?" and I have absolutely no answer. I'm just self sabotaging for no reason. I'm doing this to myself even though I know it's wrong. 

Okay, I'm definitely going to try harder from now on. I've been taking medicine and resting all day, and even though it's sucked, I do feel quite a bit better. And I'm grateful for that, at least. 

I leave you with this message- whatever you get caught up in, don't stop taking care of yourself, because it actually affects you more than you think. 

Insomnia rocks, man. Who needs sleep when you can have mochas? MMMmmmm.... mochas....

I like my dad's house, because I don't have to worry about making too much noise when I type late at night. You know, after they tell me to go to bed. Screw them. Lalalala... Was I going somewhere with this? Possibly. 

So... It doesn't feel like it's Christmas tomorrow. I never get that excited about Christmas, really. Partly because I'm an atheist, so the religious aspect is pretty much blah for me, and then the sickening commercialism, well, sickens me. I seriously saw a commercial that said "Only five shopping days left!" Seriously? So now Christmas is just about buying crap? 

I guess seeing my cousins and stuff is fun... sometimes. Well, Christmas Eve can be cool when I go to my paternal Grandpa's, because the cousins that I actually like are there. Allie, Katie, Frannie, kisses and hugs. The stepcousins are a bit iffy, but ah well. Except every other year we go to my stepmom's grandma's house instead. We went last year, but apparently she hasn't got much time left so we're going again. 

It's always so awkward there. Like, I don't know anybody. I'm never introduced to anybody, yet am somehow expected to know their names. I only see them once every two years, and have no idea who they are, plus there's never anyone close to my age, plus they're all conservative republican gaaahs. So, I get presents from them, but they hardly know me either, so it's always pretty wimpy, like they're making an effort to be more personal, but they pretty much have no idea who I am. I spend most of the time petting the dog. 

And then, of course, Christmas Day. In the morning there are presents. I didn't ask for much this year, as there wasn't much I wanted. I wanted some CDs (Don't knock CDs, man. What if computers take over the world and I wanna listen to music?) and a guitar, because since I quit violin I've been wanting to take lessons. My dad wants me to learn how to play piano, which I'm not totally averse to. After all that stuff, we go to my maternal grandparent's house, and all of those relatives are there. Pretty much all of those cousins annoy me greatly, especially the one closest to me in age (I think they're like, 11,12?) If I'm forced to socialize with them, they attack me. Like fifty kids jumping on me. I am not a good babysitter. So I just hide.  

So yeah, sorry for being such a Scrooge, I'm just lame I guess.

Hi... crap. I'm so ADD right now, I haven't even gotten dressed and I'm making a blog post. Hang on... I feel uncomfortable typing stark naked (TMI? That's me.) 

Okay, much better. Anyway... I haven't been on the computer for a while because my mom's been a *cough*ragingbitch*cough* (Ha... I kept typing couch instead of cough... ) Yeah, she took my laptop away... still not clear why... and suddenly it appeared on my bed. So then I was all "Go mom, but not really, because I still have a bunch of angry poems I wrote about you when I was bored, so yeah" 

Anyway again, I was listening to this song called "Longview" by Green Day (I love old Green Day stuff, it rocks. The newer stuff... not so much). The song is about being really bored and wanting to accomplish something, but lacking sufficient motivation to do so. That song is pretty much the story of my life during school breaks. I mean, I love not having to do anything, but then I feel like I should be doing stuff. So that song describes me a lot (except for the masturbation part, that's weird) You guys should listen to it. You guys should listen to the whole Dookie album, it's Green Day's finest work, in my opinion. 

Okay... I should probably be doing something right now, like getting ready for dinner. 

Now finals are REALLY over.

Okay, nobody hurt me for this, but I actually think this week has been kinda cool, in an odd way. With each final finished, a huge chunks of stress would just fall right off the stress wagon, and there would be more and more excitement for winter break. Was that just me? Oh, and hanging out in Mr. Moos' room bugging the poor studying seniors was fun. 

Today was pretty nice. I had my easy-yet-slighty-tedious-because-I-had-to-fill-out-100-bubble-thingies spanish final. Yes, there were 100 bubble thingies. I fucking hate those so much. For some reason they just freak me out. Whenever I answer them, I go, A, asshole, B, bitchface, C, cunt, D, dickhead, E, eggs. Sometimes I just pretend the E is an F. 

So tomorrow, since I haven't written anything in a while, and I heard about Bridget's boyfriend (Oooh! Bridget's boyfriend!) going on some sort of isolation trip because he's writing a book or something, I decided to do a mini version of that and stay in my room all day composing weird poetry. I'm not going to do anything on my computer, so it'll all be handwritten and wonderful. Of course, no one's going to be home anyway. And when they get home, my mom is expecting me to help get a christmas tree. A pox on christmas trees! Well, no, not really, no. A pox on mothers! Well, not that either. 

Well, I gotta go. Sorry if I don't answer emails tomorrow. I love you all (all two of you who read this thing) and you will all (two of you) be in my thoughts (but not prayers, because I'm an atheist) and... I lost my train of thought and I have to go 

<3

I find dogs exceedingly snuggly. On a scale of one to ten, I would give them eleventy for extra snuggle-osity

Yay! Finals are over! Woo! 

Haha no. It just feels like it. How lame is that? Of course, I'm not worried about my spanish final at all, because I'm absolutely beast at it. I've gotten perfect or practically perfect scores on all of my tests so far. So yeah, tomorrow will be a breeze. No studying tonight. Or, I should say, no need to study tonight. Because my definition of "studying" is a pretty loose one. I pretty much suck at studying. 

Like how I was "studying" today with peeps in Mr. Moos' room. That was pretty much scratching out a sucky outline for my essay, then sitting around chatting, watching fail videos on youtube, and occasionally helping people study (though most likely just annoying them, even if I really did want to help. Sorry! I was trying to help you guys with history yesterday but no one was listening! I suppose I tend to rant a bit. Like now.) 

I hope I can stay smart enough to slack off like this all the time.

Movies are so fine

Don't you just love movies? I sure do. I'm a movie lover. I love all kinds of movies, with the notable exception of extremely stupid mass produced comedies and gory gross horror movies. 

I just saw La Vie en Rose. What a beautiful movie. I never knew much about Edith Piaf. We would listen to her on Sunday mornings, and sometimes I wanted to learn French and sometimes I thought her songs were more beautiful when I didn't understand them. Like songs in Spanish. They all sound weird to me. 

Anyway, I'm also thinking about government systems and anarchy. No, anarchy is not a government system, in my opinion. But it's a nebula, for making better systems, as I've been explaining to Gaia. Geez. 

Kay, gotta go, BYE!

For the benefit of Mr. Kyte 

There will be a show tonight- on trampoline 

The Hendersons will all be there 

Late of Pablo Fanques Fair- what a scene! 

Over men and horses hoops and garters

Lastly through a hog's head of real fire! 

In this way, Mr. K will challenge the world! 

The celebrated Mr. K

Performs his feat on Saturday- at Bishop's Gate 

The Hendersons will dance and sing 

As Mr. Kyte flies through the ring- don't be late!

Messrs. K and H assure the public 

Their production will be second to none

And of course Henry the horse dances the waltz

The band begins at ten to six 

When Mr. K performs his tricks- without a sound 

And Mr. H will demonstrate 

Ten summersets he'll undertake- on solid ground 

Having been some day in preparation

A splendid time is guaranteed for all 

And tonight Mr. Kyte is topping the bill!

Guess how much I love the Beatles? A LOT. I've had this song stuck in my head all day, thanks to Gaia and I emailing each other one line at a time, while secretly cheating by looking at the lyrics on the internet.

OOooh emo poem!

His lungs

welcomed the bitter saltwater

bringing friends

down his gullet 

all around

he fell soooo slowly

And then he just 

like 

died

His neck 

snuggled closer to the rope 

they were on their honeymoon 

his feet celebrated the joyous matrimony 

with a swing dance

back and forth again 

And then he just 

like 

died 

His wrists 

opened to the air 

venting his troubles

in splashing red

and weeping flesh 

aiming for happier hearts 

And then he 

just 

like 

died.

Okay, side note question here. Is there a way for me to copy paste poems without it appearing UNDER the posting box and not appearing in the post? Because I have another cool one, but I'm sick of writing them out all over again. 

And another thing...

I also post a lot because school is boring.

Why, yes

I do post a lot because I miss having a blog. Don't judge me. 

Guess what I just realized?

I don't think I've told any of my new friends any of the legends! This makes me sad. They rock, man. 

But, I'm too distracted right now to type one out. So I'll do it another time. I'm excited to hear how rehearsals went for people tomorrow. Heh heh, tardy hall got me out of trying out. But no, I really didn't want to do it. I want to do tech. Very much badly. 

BEST POEM EVER!!!!!!

Buffalo Bill's 

defunct

who used to

ride a watersmooth-silver

stallion

and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat

Jesus

he was a handsome man

and what i want to know is

how do you like your blueeyed boy

Mister Death

Okay, the formatting is messed up. That is NOT how it is supposed to look! Grr...

Lalalala

Well, tardy hall was just wonderful! I shall have to get as many tardies as possible to have such weekly enjoyment. Ha ha NO. It was lame. But Bridget told me to stop whining, so I shall. 

So I'm sitting in the Commons by the huge windows, and the gingko tree outside makes me sad. Earlier in the year, when people actually wanted to be outside, the gingko leaves turned yellow and all fell off the tree at once. They were so pretty, bright banana yellow fans blanketing the ground around the tree. Once, during tutorial, Gaia, Georgia and I went out and smashed fruit under the gingko tree. Well, mostly Gaia smashed fruit. Then we sat by the gingko tree and tied the stems of the leaves together to make garlands. They were so beautiful, bright leaves pointing in all directions, intricately knotted stems. We hung the garlands in the tree. Even though it looked pretty pathetic, I thought it restored some of the poor bald tree's dignity. The gingko is like those guys who have a glorious mane of hair, then lose it all before college or something. How sad is that? Anyway, nice memories. 

OOOOkay, 4:17, my dad should be here by now... Come on Dad... I would like to be home right now...

Tick tock

Tick tock tick tock tick tock... 

Double periods last forever. Even when it's a free period where I can spend the whole time messing with my blog and on the  computer and yeah. 

Lids close 

lashes mesh 

lips part 

lip's breath 

Prelude to a kiss? 

Are you 

kidding me? 

Hair streaming down 

on elbows propped 

and lips, lips parted 

in a slight, slight frown 

Elbows slide 

from mountains to hills 

and lips, lips parted 

kissing the desk 

Headache!

Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. My head is starting to tighten up. I just know it's going to explode in a half hour or so. Fortunately my vision hasn't blurred or anything yet, so it won't be a migraine. 

I have gotten out of the habit of taking my phone to school with me, which sucks immensely today. I have tardy hall. Not fair! It is NOT POSSIBLE for me to get to Physics on time! I have NO OTHER tardies except the ones in that class. So right now I have pretty much no way of letting my parents know that I have to stay after school. I think I'll just borrow a phone to text my mom in tutorial. This whole tardy thing is idiotic anyway.  

I would skip, but apparently you lose the privilege of going home after the last final on Thursday if you don't go. And I don't want to have tardy hall next semester. 

Plus finals are soooo over-emphasized here. They keep saying they don't want you to overthink it or freak out. Don't they realize that saying all of that crap makes people think about it more, and panic? I'm not panicking, but I keep getting encouraged to panic. Like, oh, you need to get organized and make a study schedule and take it in small chunks! Shouldn't we just KNOW this without having to study craploads, since we've been learning it all year? 

Grrr... Ouch.

Erm

Isn't erm a funny word? I mean, it's not a word, but still. It's weird. 

Whatever. 

Soooo... Franken and Coleman, man. Are they still recounting or what? I saw some commercial that said to call Senator Coleman for your opinion on lobbyist something something. Does that mean he's officially won yet? I don't want him to win! He's lame! 

Mr. Hegg, drama teacher and director of The Crucible, was trying to give the character of Mr. Danforth, the deputy governor, some inspiration. So he told us a story about Norm Coleman. Apparently Normie was waiting behind this lady and her kid at an ice cream stand. He butts in front of her. She starts to kick up a fuss, and he turns around and says "Oh, I was going to pay for you." He's a snake! He just squirms his way out of any situation! And he had the huge smear campaign against Franken. 

They're finding more votes for Franken-dizzle all the time now. I hope he wins. And I hope that I don't sound stupid for saying all of this if someone has already won and I haven't been paying attention to the news lately. 

New Blog!

I have a new blog! My old was... messed up. I couldn't log into it to save my life. So. New one. I will still be posting writing and stuff. I'm actually working on something pretty cool right now. Want a taste? 

"I have found that to be successful in life, you have to let go of the things you care about. You have to let yourself drift away from friends and family, quit walking your dog, never read your favorite book again. You must spend all of your time becoming more successful. That is the only way to have real success. The kind you hear about. Bill Gates, Donald Trump. The presidents, the CEOs, the owners the lawmakers. The ones who rule men. They don't care about you. Or anyone. They have their ambition to care about. That's it. Nothing else matters. 

"This raises the obvious question. Do you really want it that bad? I can see it. Your eyes have the cold glimmer that those soulless few covet. But you don't really want success. You just don't want to care anymore, don't you? You've had pain in your life, that's for sure, but I never knew you wanted to take it this far. I want you to think about this, think about what I found. You can't just turn your back on success once you've got it. Well, there is one way, but it's not for you. It's for the weak ones. Well, comparatively weak ones. They have their way. They turn their back on success and put a bullet in their brain, or turn around and jump off one of their shiny skyscrapers. You're better than that. So. Go home. Talk to the ones you have left. Decide if they're really worth leaving behind. Because you can't take them with you. You can try, granted. But you'll fail."

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a monologue! *gasp* 

Yeah, I'm toying with a spot of playwriting. It's a bit lame so far, but I'm working on it...