Farm Fest, '09!!! Jak se mas?

Haha, I bet you are so dumb you don't even know what Farm Fest is. Either that or it's just a bizarre family ritual that I hardly ever think about, much less talk about, until labor day weekend rolls around, so I never would have mentioned it ever unless you asked. So here's the story- My maternal grandparents moved onto a farm when my mom was in like second grade, and raised their children there. These children are comprised of my aunt Mary Beth, my aunt Carol, my mom, my aunt Nancy, my uncle Frank, and my uncle Scott. So yeah, like, big ol' Catholic Czech family (We are verrry czech. This farm is in a town called NEW PRAGUE.) Um so, this farm was sort of this huge thing and kinda taken for granted by everyone, but all in all a cool place to grow up and learn life lessons and shit, and I had some fun times there too. BUT THEN! My grandparents were getting older, and a decision was made to move into town. They have a nice little house now, even if it is in one of those creepy cookie cutter neighborhoods where all the houses look the same. BUT THEN! My uncle Frank decided to buy the farm. Actually just the house and the buildings and some of the land around it, not the actual field thingies. So every labor day weekend we celebrate the farm by camping out there, playing capture the flag, and sitting around talking by the fire. Also, the adults enjoy getting their drunk on and making me get them beers. Do you know how to work a keg? (Well, maybe you do.) I do, anyway.

SO! This year was sort of hilarious with a bit of hysterical drama, so I feel I ought to mention it. It started out the same as any other. Sitting in the garage, chatting, eating bars and the like. There's always a pack of small boys running around. My mom's friend Kevin was there for the first time, since he had proved to be impervious to our weirdness at my brother's graduation party, where he spent the whole time playing tag, hide and seek, ghosts in the graveyard and capture the flag with us kids. We were just starting out on the first game of capture the flag when things started to get weird.

My uncle Frank was chasing my uncle Scott off of our team's side when Scott's dog Cupcake (He has twin daughters, I'm pretty sure that name was not his idea.) runs up behind him, sending Frank tumbling. Frank did something of a somersault, sat for a second, admonished Scott, and returned to the game. We were walking back to our side after the game when he stopped, staring at the giant teepee of wood that was for the bonfire later. "Who BUILT that?" He asked, in his big, goofy voice. Frank has such a voice and a manner that it is almost impossible to take him seriously. (He is also a notorious bullshitter.) We were all laughing at him, telling him HE had built it three days ago, but he didn't seem to believe us. In the next few games he just sort of stood around, looking confused. On further interrogation from my aunts, who take things more seriously than most, it was revealed that he didn't know when he had put his shirt and glasses back on, didn't know what time or day it was, and didn't know why we were all there. This was when he was taken to the hospital, where we are told that on the way there he asked the same five questions over and over.

We sort of half forgot about him for a bit. At least I did. There was a humongous bonfire, and we were roasting marshmallows and hanging around. My mom was getting steadily ahead of everyone else in the drunk race, and after Frank came home with a concussion, but otherwise fine, she got veritably hammered. Hilarious, yes, by Giffin the woman was actually hiccuping, but slightly embarrassing as well. Frank didn't remember much about the last few hours, but what he did remember he said he saw in a dream. No worries, though, he just shrugged and had a beer.

Play a mean game of capture the flag? Do you like mosquitoes? Like, all of the mosquitoes that were hiding this year so they could go to Farm Fest? Enjoy Bruce Springsteen and muffins? Think head injuries are funny and weird? Know the ins and outs of a keg? Know what the hell Jak se mas means?* Then YOU JUST MIGHT BE INVITED TO FARM FEST NEXT YEAR!!!!!!

*I admit I didn't know this myself until this year. I know zero Czech. Well, I know a few random words, but have no idea how to spell them. By the way, it's pronounced Yahk say mahsh.