The threat is not real, people, but it might be, so...

I just saw the movie Zombieland. (By the way, Gaia, I also saw Fight Club the other day and DUUUUUUUUDE) Now, for some, at the back of their brain they are always planning the ultimate treehouse. Me, I'm always planning and replanning zombie defense strategies. Yup, ever since I saw the beginning of 28 Days Later (Never actually was able to finish the movie, sadly). Considering weapons, rations, and shelters. Sometimes when I meet people I figure out how saw I would be if I had to kill them if they turned into zombies.

This new movie Zombieland only brought these things to the surface. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, of course (You all would probably hate it unless you enjoy the whole zombie thing). Me and the main character share a fear of clowns. Seriously, whoever invented clowns was on sick motherfucker. The only reason I worry about zombies is because out of all the creepy movie monsters, they are the most plausible. Not the old-timey movie zombies who were "reawakened" from the dead by a voodoo priest, but more like the 28 Days Later or Resident Evil zombies, who actually some sort of disease that makes them vicious. Think about it: Vampires- magical (Except for the Peeps series by the guy who wrote Uglies) Werewolves- magical, Lagoon creature-..., Frankenstein- impossible (Although actually, if you had a living brain... never mind) But ZOMBIES, man, ZOMBIES.

So I'd just like to spread awareness. If for some reason there was a zombie outbreak, our biggest disadvantage would be not having a plan. We have plans to deal with natural and man-made disasters, wars, famines, but not zombies. That means that we would be taken completely by surprise, going "OMG ZOMBIEZ!!!" while being eviscerated alive.

I'm not saying we should waste government money on zombie missiles or research or whatever. I'm just saying, hey, make a plan. Outline it in a file, put it somewhere you can find it, and consult it if zombies appear. Things will go much more smoothly.

Before I go, a few of my own zombie theories and strategies. First, I think that zombies will most likely be caused by some sort of parasite. We already know of several parasites that take over their hosts so much that they actually control them completely. Granted, their hosts are ants and snails, but it could happen that a parasite evolves that uses humans as hosts. I theorize that these parasites would enter a host's brain and consume everything but the medulla oblongata, which connects to the spinal cord and controls movement. In essence, the hosts would be dead, but the parasites would be able to control their movements through the spinal cord. The parasite would then reproduce, and make its host seek out other possible hosts to infect, probably by some sort of bite. These zombies would be able to move fairly normally until injured, but their biggest strength would be that they cannot feel pain and they do not stop. These zombies would have to be killed immediately. Their medulla oblongata must be destroyed or at least disconnected from the spinal cord. Any other injury is merely a hindrance and would not stop them. Another strategy is to simply break their back, paralyzing them. NEVER LIGHT ZOMBIES ON FIRE. It NEVER works. All you get it a flaming zombie, which is worse than before.

Anyway, like any of you care. Hmph. See if I let you in my fort when the zombie apocalypse comes.